The b.tch is back.Floella front bottom fat roll is back. Too many salted caramel ice-creams and crisps……….always the crisps. It’s the kid’s fault. I am the snack monitor for six whole weeks, all that power, all that responsibility. I can’t take it……….at all……. I caved on the first ice-cream run.
Thank the Lord we holidayed on a British beach. I was not required to get semi naked and there was not a skinny bikini person in sight. The only bits of unsightly flesh I got out were my bingo wings. I flapped my way through the whole week, up and down the beach, gesticulating wildly to my children to come closer to the shore and to let them know when it was time for an ice-cream….again. Flap, flap, flap.
You’ve got to love the archetypal British beach holiday, full of litter and sand in your sandwiches, children with blue lips and long happy days. They couldn’t get enough. How they didn’t take to their beds with pneumonia I will never know. Seemingly permanently shivering they spent hours amongst the waves having a ball. Only returning to me periodically to tell tales and ask if they could wee in the sea.
Inevitably in a true, selfish manner, I could take it no more and insisted on one day of culture and tourism and obviously a pub lunch. “No” they wailed, “Yes” I shouted in a no nonsense manner whilst keeping an image of a prawn sandwich on white with a side order of chips firmly in the front of my mind. “It’ll be very interesting ” I said. “We hate you” they said.
Surprisingly all was well. They did love it, my prawn sandwich and chips was well worth the wait and there was no sand in anyones pants. However one of my pet hates did rear it’s ugly head for the blinkin third time this school holiday.
Why in the name of all that is Tourist Attraction Land does no one do any cleaning??????? If I am paying sixty b.stard quid for a family of four why do I have to walk past and amongst life sized models of wenches, pirates and stuffed animals covered with cobwebs, dead flies and mould. Someone please explain….it drives me mad. Are they all blind??????……… It is all I can do to stop myself vaulting over the barriers to do it myself. Obviously that would be an incredibly stupid idea. I am incapable of vaulting anywhere with these thighs. Floella front bottom would get stuck on wench number one’s basket of fake vegetables and everything would go down like dominoes. I can see it clear as day…… But still, I don’t think I can stand it the next time……Just saying……
As usual I need to ease myself gently back into eating sensibly. I find it difficult to turn my back on the gorging without a last hurrah….. and this is she…Blackberry and Apple Streusel Kuchen. She is a thing of magnificence, a fruity jewelled beauty of sweet soft bread, crusted with a buttery, cinnamon crumble. Gee whizzle she’s damn good.
I have linked this beauty with Cook, Blog, Share and Friday Frolics.