As I type I am flushing like a fat woman on an overcrowded bus in Africa. Great waves of heat from god knows where keep flowing through me and even my fingers and ears are sweating. Seriously WTF? I’m hoping my metabolic rate is rising too but somehow I don’t hold out much hope. The menopausal cookie doesn’t seem to ever crumble in my favour. I had no idea the human body had the capacity to create so much random heat. Why doesn’t it call on this facility when people are caught in emergency arctic situations??? I could keep a family of four alive with this menopausal furnace. This phenomenon needs investigating for future snowy expeditions. Perhaps oestrogen injections could become standard in all first aid kits in cold countries………..I feel a Nobel Prize coming my way.
I had another sweaty disaster last week. In an effort to combat my aging face I decided that I needed my eyebrows tinting. I have extremely fair ones that you can’t really see so became convinced that it would take ten years off me and prevent any further misunderstanding of my relationship with my children. Obviously I wanted to avoid a pair of hairy slugs that so many of the young folk seem to be sporting. I am completely incredulous that they are not aware of how stupid they look????? However I had been recommended someone who worked in the local Debenhams store that would be sympathetic to my modest request. I had planned to go that afternoon but my husband rang with a job for me that would take most of the day so my only option to get them done before half-term was immediately after my power walk that morning. I try to walk most mornings in an effort to keep trim but it is completely unsuccessful most of the time due to stuffing my face like a starving pig afterwards…..fatty bum bum.
So off I went damp and sweaty but thinking f.ck it I only have to sit there and I was quite determined/desperate due to having convinced myself that I COULD look young once more…..
As I indicated my desire to have my eyebrows tinted she gestured that I should take off my coat and sit in the seat provided. It was then an unpleasant waft of B.O hit me !!!! OMG, OMG how embarassing!!!! That was it then as I now find that in any stressful situation I start to sweat like a big old b.tch…….For the love of God I was trapped with an internal temperature of 105 Celsius with the lady bent over me, her nostrils 30 cm away from my stinking pits….I clamped my arms firmly down as she began to paint on the dye. But to no avail as she asked me to use both hands to pull my brows taut. What could I do but comply and let the poor woman breathe in my B.O. Obviously in my mortification and panic I had forgotten to indicate to her my disdain of big hairy slugs and it just didn’t cross my mind until she handed me the mirror to inspect her work……Sweet Jesus I looked like a manly drag queen….. I was up out of that chair like a rocket and home to furiously scrub my eyebrows and armpits as well as change my deodorant….
This next recipe is sort of something I have done before https://wp.me/p8B7Ya-lD but it deserves another interpretation. I do this loads for situations when I need to feed a group of people effortlessly but deliciously. It is simply SENSATIONAL. It is a Roast Beef taste explosion. I make it up to several days in advance and just reheat in the oven and shove it in the buns. I serve wedges or chips with it if I’m providing a meal.I don’t say it lightly when I say it is incredible. Give it a go and it will quite simply blow your socks off!
I have linked this post with Cook, Blog, Share and Friday Frolics.