But first…….. some bad language
Does anyone know what the H in “Jesus H Christ” means?? I feel obliged to find out because rightly or wrongly it’s my favourite profanity at the moment. I feel at moments of extreme exasperation and despair that this phrase delivers just the right amount of emotion and release of tension. It feels good on my tongue and I can inflect all sorts of differing inferences with it depending on the FFS situation at hand.
I do take care to mutter it under my breath when the children are in earshot but due to the kids being the usual source of my emotional frustration it is only a matter of time before I am found out. So I thought at least I should be fully knowledgeable about the said phrase particularly as my children go to the local village C of E school and my daughter strongly feels that Jesus is her absolute best friend and saviour of us all (even me) ……. It does appear however that no other B.gger knows either, not even Google. I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse about using it. I am slightly concerned that someone very ancient and high up in holiness is rolling in their grave if I cannot be sure of exactly what I am banding about willy nilly.
I can’t get enough of those swearing emojis either….so easy to be outrageously offensive…who knew? I also get a surprising amount of pleasure out of using swear words and phrases as terms of endearment, obviously not with the children (not to their faces anyway) but with other grown ups of the same persuasion (sweary people). Not too profane or offensive, a cuddly colloquial swear word goes a long way in my world…….. Unfortunately I have a penchant for hard core swearing too. I am mostly undercover with it, a guilty secret only shared with a choice few but I would find it hard to desist. The stronger the swear word the more I bloody loves it. I belong on the railway……
So consequently, much like a friendly cuppa, I seek to use a literal litany of profanities in most of my general day-to-day life. It brings a skip to my step and a twinkle to my cloudy eye and by Christ I need it at the mo….My children are driving me battttttttttttty. Currently whenever they are together they are either attempting to fight each other to the death or psychotically obsessed to ensure that no item belonging to them or ever having belonged to them is touched by the other…….With an extraordinary amount of spittle flying and deeply flushed murderous faces I fear for my own life never mind theirs. Gee Whizzle it’s a scary place to be. It starts from their very waking moment and lasts until their little venomous heads hit the pillow. They can’t even clean their teeth together without supervision and a taser….. I simply have one choice it seems to me…..join the madness and scream like a banshee along with them or swear profusely under my breath constantly… Parental Tourettes……
Yum Yum Recipe
I have been longing to make this Yum Yum recipe for forever. I feel passionately that it should be on everyone’s bucket list. However one word of warning, this yum yum donut recipe is so irresistibly DELICIOUS that one is NEVER enough. So BEWARE they are Clucking gorgeous.
The process is super simple really. A whizz of the dry ingredients in the food processor before a mixing in of the wet at bedtime or 6 hours before you are ready to roll.
This is rolled out to roughly 20 cm and folded in three like a business letter and then turned so as the closed fold is then on your left. Roll out again and repeat three times. I have to point out here that I do wing the whole shape size thing a bit. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
You will end up with a smooth dough.
Using a Pizza Cutter cut out equal rectangles and cut a vertical line down the middle leaving the top and bottom 2.5 cm uncut.
Taking hold of top and bottom of each Yum Yum, twist gently.
Cover with a damp cloth or oiled clingfilm and allow to rest somewhere warm until they have gloriously puffed up. It usually takes about half an hour/ hour in a cosy spot.
They are ready then for their hot oil bath. I use a small deep fat fryer as it is just a matter of flicking a switch and the temperature is easily monitored but 2 ” vegetable oil in a large deep pan will do the job. I would advise using a thermometer too because if the temperature drops too much they Yum Yums may absorb too much oil. Keep checking before you add each new batch. I have the icing ready and brush them generously after they have emerged onto the wire rack and kitchen towel for blotting. It is an intense time when you are frying them all as you will need to time them in a rota system. But I would walk on hot coals for these beauties…
- 300 grams strong white flour
- 120 mls milk room temperature
- 60 mls luke warm water
- 1 packet (7g) instant yeast
- 1 tsp fine salt
- 2 tbsp caster sugar heaped
- 50 grams unsalted butter cubed and cold
- 1 large egg room temperature.
- 250 grams icing sugar
- 4/5 tbsps water
Pour the water and milk into a jug and add the egg. Whisk together. Put the flour, yeast, sugar and salt into the bowl of the food processor and whizz once to mix. Then add the cold butter and whizz briefly to just cut up the chunks a tiny bit.
Tip the mixture out into a big bowl and then pour in the liquid contents of the jug. Mix to combine to a pebbly with butter mix. Don't overdo the mixing. It will look like a sticky mess.
Cover with clingfilm and leave in the fridge overnight. I am advised that it can sit like this for a couple of days. Imagine that!
When ready to rock and roll, take it out of the fridge and heavily flour the work surface. Empty out the dough and you will prob need to sprinkle a little flour on top too. Then roll out to a roughly 30 cm square.
Now fold the square twice.Once the top a third down and then the bottom up to meet it, like a letter. Then turn it so that the long edge is to your left. You do need to keep the work surface well floured but when you fold dust off the excess as you go.
Roll it out again to a 30 cm square and repeat the whole process 3 more times. I ended up with more of a rectangle but I didn't sweat it too much.In fact the more I have made them the more I don't worry about the size or shape. I just wing it....think the chef from the muppets.
Wrap in clingfilm and put back in the fridge for a further 30 minutes to rest.
Roll out to a rough square about 1 cm thick.
Using a pizza cutter cut out ten strips and then cut a line down the middle leaving about 2.5 cm of dough at each end.
Twist each strip and place on an oiled baking tray and cover ( I use oiled clingfilm ) until nearly doubled in size and puffy. Near the end of this prove heat up your oil to 170 C. I used a deep fat fryer but you can use a large heavy bottomed saucepan. I strongly recommend that you use a thermometer to ensure that the oil is at the right temp or your yum yums may well soak up too much oil...........a travesty.
Also make up the icing. I always use my food processor to make icing as it negates the need to sieve. Just mix the two ingredients together.
When ready to go get some kitchen paper ready to blot the yum yums thoroughly as they emerge from the oil. I fried 2 at a time for 2 mins on each side. As each batch is cooked and removed, I blotted the excess oil from them before putting them on a wire rack and brushing them liberally whilst hot with the icing.
Allow to cool completely before inhaling 3 at a time.
Apply to Profane Face.
Here is another yummy recipe for Doughnuts
PIN ME FOR LATER!
I have linked this post with Cook,Blog,Share and Recipe of the Week.