For the love of God. I feel like I’m drowning in sibling rivalry……slowly. Each whiney complaint is a barb to my soul, each cat fight a bitch slap to my heart. But most of all it drives me completely insane. Why didn’t I have just one child?!!!! How extremely foolish and shortsighted of me. I have taken to sitting in my chair in complete denial of my refereeing responsibilities. I just can’t cope anymore and am letting them spend most of the time feral.
It’s mostly the noise that makes the top of my head feel like it is about to explode. Now I’m extremely old I seem to need a lot of silence in my life (it’ll be classical music next ) and all this fighting to the death over whose turn it is to have the plastic sword or red cup or just to f.cking breathe, actually physically hurts my brain. I am aware it is all completely normal, a throwback from survival of the fittest but if you don’t stop I may develop a tic or a massive alcohol problem. It just goes on and on and on like a man who’s had far too much to drink. No end in sight….just none.
I took them to the local reservoir and park today in an effort to avoid the usual mental anguish and survive the day without tears (mine). It is a 5km walk round the reservoir with a lovely park at the end. Tire the little f.ckers out I thought. Genius I thought.
It immediately became obvious on arrival that the car park was full of fabulously organised Mummies with rucksacks, sparkling clean trainers and appropiate snacks. They passed me by swiftly on their bicycles with baskets as I shuffled along as quickly as I could, trying to keep my children in sight and safe from passing paedophiles as they cycled away from me around the first bend. Realising that it was stupendously stupid to walk whilst they cycled I was forced to lumber along in a fat person’s lope scanning the horizon for dodgy looking men and the helmets of my children. Not only were my trainers dirty, I had forgotten/couldn’t be bothered to put socks on and very soon into my lope I realised that substantial chafing was setting in. Now I am not a stranger to chafing so I knew that I was looking at at least four days of pain and perhaps some oozing before there would be a renewal of skin. But such was my fear of abduction that there was nothing else for it and I loped on manically into the distance. My lope reminded me somewhat of the Hunch Back of Notre- Dame in an old black and white film, with arms swinging low to keep momentum and head cocked to the right with my left shoulder raised to stop my inappropriate short handled handbag from dropping off my shoulders every basta.d five minutes, it must have been uncanny………amongst other things.
With my children safe I limped to the park and set them loose to run amok whilst I tried to attend to my feet. It was chafe city central. All I could do was eat a massive ice cream whilst watching the surrounding hedges for paedo’s.
Even better though I bumped into some likeminded mummy’s and we were able to compare gluttonous binging and talk about how fat we are. I won, I was definitely the fattest
Due to me mostly sitting in my chair I have been desperate for recipes that require little effort but reward in plenty. This is most certainly one of those. I have long been in love with the idea of this white pizza and am so pleased to have finally nailed it. White pizza is a pizza that is often overlooked, with a myriad of toppings it can be pimped to suit all tastes. This recipe is to mine and all who have tried it.
PIN ME FOR LATER!
| Prep Time | 100 minutes |
| Cook Time | 15 minutes |
| Servings |
8" pizzas
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- 250 grams ricotta
- 250 grams boursin garlic and herb
- 250 grams grated mozzarella
- 4 tbsps double cream
- 50 grams grated parmesan cheese
- 500 grams strong white flour
- 3 tbsps olive oil
- 10 grams salt
- 7 grams instant yeast
- 325 ml luke warm water
Ingredients
Cheese topping
Pizza base
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- Obviously you can buy ready made pizza bases and I might just do it.The topping is so good it would still be lip smacking. I also buy already grated mozzarella and parmesan. I have noticed that it isn't that much more expensive and it is significantly easier.
- To make the pizza base place all the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. I use a free standing mixer and dough hook for all my yeast baking but you can mix by hand if you feel enthusiastic.
- Keep the salt away from the yeast in the bowl at first as it can inhibit it's power.Add the oil and water and mix well on a slow speed until the dough starts to come together. Mix on a medium speed until the dough becomes smooth and elastic. About 8 minutes.
- Cover and leave in an oiled bowl until doubled in size. About an hour. Pre-heat your oven to 190 C.
- Empty out the dough onto a floured surface and knead for a couple of mins. Divide the dough into four balls. One for each pizza.
- You need to have two flat baking trays ready. I line mine with bacoglide for it's brilliant nonstick properties and ease of transfer. I roll out the pizzas using a rolling pin. Be gentle but persistent the dough can roll back but keep going until you have four pizzas rolled out to about 2 mm. The outside rim can be thicker.
- Transfer the pizzas onto the baking trays and set aside. It's much easier to put the toppings on when the pizza is already on the tray.
- Put all the topping ingredients apart from the mozzarella into a food processor and whizz to combine. You could mix all together by hand in a bowl.
- Spread about 2mm of the cheese mixture onto each pizza, leaving an inch rim around the outside. Cover with the mozzarella. Allow to rise for ten mins before baking for about 15/20 mins. Check the base is golden brown.Serve straight away.
- Apply to sweaty face with a tic.
You can make up to the end of the first prove and then put the dough in an oiled bag or covered bowl in the fridge and pull it out an hour and a half before you are ready to go. The dough would just need an hour in a warmish place to get back up to room temperature before you begin step 5.
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