The Best Bread Rolls.
Just as Santa squeezed his big and no doubt hairy butt down our chimney I had one of my older lady mofo on the blobs. I suppose I should be grateful for feeling 12 again but to be honest you can f’fing stick it…….I could feel a thick blanket of anxiety and sweat settle over my carefully/obsessively crafted Xmas world as the hormonal fog descended and my brain became useless, agitated mush. Where once I had felt wholeheartedly dedicated to my little ones Yuletide magic and wonder, I now just wanted them to “LEAVE ME ALONE FOR JUST FIVE B.STARD MINUTES ” ……….. she screamed whilst gesticulating in a very ridiculously over the top and hysterical manner……..Crazy….. Has anyone seen my copy of Smash Hits?……This time around I can’t seek solace alone in my bedroom with Siouxsie and the Banshees, an eyeliner and a hot water bottle. I have vol au vents to fill.
But try as I might, I just couldn’t see my way through the damn old woman hormones. Even complete cessation of housework didn’t relieve the symptoms, something that I always try first…..just in case. It seemed the very stupid, very miserable b.tch was here for the duration. I attempted to cook a meal of amazingness the day after Boxing Day………..we should have gone to Iceland……. Mother Nature’s timing was sh.t…….but on the plus side I could legitimately eat like an Olympic Weightlifter on speed ………I was like a Labrador, no sausage roll, peanut or chicken skewer was safe. Woof.
Of course this Xmas binging, like all good things, has to come to an abrupt halt as the New Year begins and my mofo cycle ends. My fat rolls have increased significantly in mass and even my massive pants are giving me very obvious V.P.L…..So this recipe is my traditional last Hurrah and it is a most glorious send off. These Best Bread Rolls are sweet, fluffy and “OMG!” good. The best I have ever eaten and I have got through some bread. My children go bananas for them as do I. Most perfect I feel with just butter, perhaps with some soup, but I am a traditionalist. The fact of the matter is these babies are delicious however you choose to fill your face with them. One necessary word of caution though. It is a sticky dough to work with so I think it is best to use a free standing mixer with dough hook and perhaps have made a more traditional batch of rolls before, just so you can keep calm as you roll the sticky dough but don’t let me boss you about your virginity in this matter. Clever Clogs are always welcome here…..
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Here is another fabulous bread recipe, this time for Garlic Rolls.