I lost the plot this morning trying to exit the house on the school run. I shouted/screamed and to my eternal shame called my teenage son/7 year old a “Little Sod”…….I have never before called him a swear word and it is right up there as one of my biggest parenting fails ever. Send me to parent jail immediately.Do not pass Sorry I said Snot really and definitely do not pass throwing yourself pathetically at your child and begging for forgiveness whilst holding onto his feet.
Oh the parenting shame, the guilt. How can I make it right? How can I make him completely forget it has ever happened ? What if it scars him forever? What if he thinks I don’t love him all day at school? What if he calls someone else it? F.ck what if he tells his teachers?
I knew I was up against it at 8 a.m. I wasn’t where I should have been in the schedule. At 8 a.m I am normally just sweating the small stuff, but this morning at 8 a.m I was nowhere near. I felt the first knot of anxiety grab hold of my plexus and give it a big builder’s hand squeeze. Of course it was f.cking school photo day and obviously both school jumpers had yoghurt or gravy or some other crud blobbed Picasso stylee over the fronts and my daughter desperately wanted an up-do……… SH…..TTTT! It’s ok, it’s ok I can do this I thought…I’m fabulous at multi tasking let’s bring this bad boy home (seemingly I was on the bridge of the Star Ship Enterprise). Sometimes when I adopt this positive, cheesy attitude it works but this morning it just did NOT. No matter how I tried to move like a ninja it just kept going pear shaped and as it did so my anxiety rose with it like a little dog fervently dry humping my leg. I could almost see the damn thing thumping madly away………………….and so of course, it inevitably came to pass that on my final run up to getting them out the front door (I was so, so, close), my son argued back one last motherclucking time and I snapped. Terribly and ashamedly I went for it…………guilty as charged.
What’s the moral of my confession? I could say I should be more organised, I could say no T.V until you’re ready for school, I could say I need to take more me time. All of these things I do try to stick to and most of the time I manage it and I am totally a smug b.tch as I calmly saunter back to the car, passing parents frantically trying to find parking spaces as the kids stare wild eyed and panicked, trying to claw their doors open before the cars have actually come to a stop. But this time it just all went t.ts…….I lost the Mummy plot and I did the shameful deed……All I can say in the final summing up for the defence is that I am hugely remorseful for my sins and I sincerely and determinedly pledge to keep my mouth tightly shut whenever I feel like my head is about to explode and I’m being dry humped from school run stress ……..”Imagine if you had a real job” my husband counselled………K.ob.
For my community service I shall serve a 100 hours of baking whatever the little TYKE likes. I shall do my time with a heavy heart but full stomach. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner….literally
This is a 1970’s Chicken Curry Pie.There is not a tomato or vegetable in sight (well just a little onion but don’t tell him).It’s a pie that is perfect for adults served with new potatoes and petit pois but my son will prefer chips and beans and I obviously won’t deny him. I absolutely adore the retro curry powder flavour and find it’s super delicious in this pie. I roast a whole chicken which is more than is needed but I just add a little mayonnaise to what’s left and hey presto I have a bowl of home-made Coronation Chicken in my fridge. Who’s a clever, if a little blasphemous, mummy?
I have linked this post with Cook Blog Share over at Easy Peasy Foodie,