I cannot tell you how ready I am for the children to return their little asses to School. I am right in the middle of a peri menopausal breakdown and only wine and fat knacker plates of food are getting me through. It seems that every holiday brings me to my binging knees. I’m not sure if it’s the actual children’s behaviour or the pressure I put myself under to be Mary Poppins on Cocaine that spawns my desperate search for solace in serious carbs and wine. I find myself dispensing vigilante justice at every turn as my hormones take me on a ruthless sweaty roller coaster of w.t.f insomnia and swinging psychopathic behaviour whilst my children demand unlimited sugary snacks and 24 hour access to Minecraft. Where I imagined idyllic hand held spring walks through the fields filled with daffodils and frolicking new born lambs there has been serious sibling violence and cut throat rivalry. Where I imagined my home filled with much fun and jolly laughter as we played board games together before baking cute little biscuits which I posted proudly on Instagram for much peer group admiration, there has been unashamed epileptic like Kevin and Perry tantrums upon removal of electrical devices. There has been loss of language and insertion of fake crying and urgent monkey noises for” Yes Please” and” Thank you Very Much Mummy for all the delicious unhealthy crap, drinks, tomato sauce and chargers that you bring twenty times a day direct to our chairs/pits in a servant like manner”. The floor underneath and around these chairs of crud is seemingly always strewn with discarded, crumpled Easter Egg wrappers and pieces of chocolate covered in fluff and dog hair, as well as really rubbish Smurf Happy Meal toys, odd socks, empty but crusty Yoghurt pots and one shrivelled pea. The real truth is I gave up on vegetables and housework as well as any personal hygiene halfway through the first week. I had bigger problems. I feel and look like I’ve been through a long illness that miraculously allowed me to keep my appetite. For the love of God give me the Pie and a pair of functioning ovaries.
This is a Pie of solace and respite.An old fashioned Chicken and Mushroom Pie with pastry that takes absolutely no nonsense. For an easier and equally delicious time just use 500g of readymade puff pastry.
PIN ME FOR LATER!